Dejected, I mumbled through tears that ran down my face leaving a briny taste in my mouth, “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” My red eyes slowly looked up to meet his tender intensity. With a gentle smile he replied, “But you are MY mess!” His words rushed over my distressed soul and I began to feel a quietening overpowering me. No matter how messy I felt or how messy I behaved, this man loved me….ALL of me. His love meant more to me than any other person’s because he knew the dark depths of my soul. He knew the filthy places of muck and mire that the Lord had snatched me from. He knew and experienced how messy even this rescued girl could get, and he CHOSE to love me. I had never experienced such uninhibited and pure human love in my entire life. I was his no matter what I looked like. The issue I was wrestling with that day was the unrealistic expectations that I consistently place on myself. Culture, others, and even the church influenced my perception of
Ok, I feel like I try to be very honest about losing a spouse, grief, and single motherhood. This is going to be a hard post to post because it touches a place in my heart I don’t really talk about much, except for those closest to me. I am choosing to post it because I know that there is another out there who deals with the same emotions that I do and I want you to find encouragement in knowing that you are not alone. Single parenting can feel like the loneliest place on earth. When you gather in settings where there is supposed to be the typical nuclear family and you are alone with your crew, the forces of evil will do their very best to sideline you with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness, even shame. Almost no single parent that I know wanted to be living the reality that they are. I used to have stereotypical prejudices about single parents. Of course, they were only thoughts, because I would never have verbalized what I was thinking about “the why” they were s