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2.5.2015



10 years ago today, I married a man that far surpassed any I had ever met.  He was a man of passion and 
love and 
purity and 
integrity and 
adventure and 
truth and 
gentleness and 
bravery and 
humility and 
generosity and 
countless other attributes.

He loved me straight into the arms of Jesus. Here I sit these ten years later, without him, but I remain in the arms of Christ.  Conner did more for me than any other person ever did....he gave me something eternal.  So, on this ridiculously lonely and sorrowful day, I have hope because my husband gave it to me.  He gave me what he had inside of him.  He gave me his Jesus.  He gave Jesus to me through grace.  He gave Jesus to me through unconditional love. He gave Jesus to me through forgiveness.  He gave Jesus to me every day of our lives together.  With the Jesus I now have, I can survive the destruction and devastation of my life because I am looking to the eternal.  This life is not it, and I know that, I experience that.  Today, I can be thankful for that gift.

I read the most incredible book yesterday in the airport, as I bawled my eyes out in front of countless strangers' stares.  I read C.S. Lewis' book, A Grief Observed.  I have never read a book that moved me so.  What C.S. Lewis experienced after the death of his wife is where I have lingered these past 5 plus months.  The love and passion the Lewis' experienced in their marriage is what Conner and I had.  Most people do not experience a love so intense and beautiful.  Today, I can be thankful for that love.

In the introduction to the book, C.S. Lewis' stepson writes, "It tells of the agony and the emptiness of a grief such as few of us have to bear, for the greater the love the greater the grief, and the stronger the faith the more savagely will Satan storm it's fortress."


Satan has indeed stormed our fortress.  He has been brutally savage.  He has murdered the king of our castle and caused the rest of us to draw back in fear.  May it not be so Lord.  May You Lord be glorified by a man after Your Heart.  May You show Yourself faithful to his wife and children.  May You be the One we give to people in every interaction You allow us. 


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