I hate my new life without Conner, but God is still moving. HE is holding me near and mending my broken soul each day I allow HIM in. I have known for quite some time that HE was calling me into ministry. I have been doing women's ministry for a while, but I felt like HE was calling me into speaking and writing. If Conner were here, you could ask him how much I struggled with knowing my calling and not seeing it come to fruition (at least like I envisioned it should). I can only imagine what King David must have felt like, along with Joseph and Abraham and Noah and Moses and on and on! I would feel this burning within me to do what HE had made me to do (Ephesians 2:10), and then stand by and watch others fulfill what I thought I had been called to. I am not joking at all! One time (when Conner was still here) I KNEW that The Lord was leading me to a specific event, only to watch it given to someone else. The Lord even gave me prophetic details for this specific
The purpose of these writings is somewhat selfish, as they work therapy for my weary soul. Here is a place where I can refocus (purposefully) on HOPE and GOD'S TRUTH, over what I am feeling. Now, I don't believe that feelings are wrong; what I do believe is that feelings are great followers and unstable leaders. I pray that you might encounter The Savior who loves me, has protected and guided me through my valley of the shadow of death.