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Showing posts from March, 2016

HOPE (shouldn't that be the title of all my posts?!)

I have been really depressed as of late.  I swing back and forth on a pendulum and it is causing disorientation.  I feel as if I can't find any sure ground to start my recovery.

Everyone has gone back to normal life and I feel completely alone and unable to express how I am really doing.  Maybe this is the isolation of grief that I was warned about!?!?  For so long people would ask and sit and listen.  Now I force my grief on others whether they ask or not.  I know they care about me, but I have no one that really cares like a constant, daily, attentive companion that Conner was to me.  I know that there is probably a "big fish" aspect of Conner and our marriage now that he is gone, but I also know how cherished he made me feel.  I am lonely.

I felt like I was going to boil over today so, I dropped the youngest off at Mother's Day Out and retreated to Conner's grave.  I have no idea why I feel so close to Conner here, or why the Lord speaks so clearly to me here,…