Practicing HIS Truths over my feelings

I honestly have a hard time sharing some of these sorrowful struggles of mine, but mostly the intimate windows into my heart.  I know if you read my blog posts, it would seem quite the contrary.  Most days I feel like Moses, bumbling over my words and telling God that there is NO way that HE has chosen the right gal to carry HIS Message!  But then HE reminds me, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the dumb, or the deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and will teach you what you shall say.” ‭‭(Exodus‬ ‭4:11-12‬ ‭AMP‬‬) One thing I have learned from these past two years is this:  Grief changes you into a different person than you used to be before the loss. Sometimes I wonder if Conner would find me remarkably different because he is the one who has missed all this change. I see such a drastic difference in my mind and heart, but I wonder how many others (if any) notice the transformation?!?! With

Grief is traveling through a series of horrid emotions, brought about by situations, places, and people that were once shared with the Loved.   When tragedy strikes it's damaging blow, what follows is circumstance after seemingly never-ending circumstance that the Bereaved must trudge through, with the utterly devastating reality of the absence of the Loved. July 23rd was one of those nights for this Bereaved.  I attended a concert with my friends, yet not one of them knew that the last time I entered this particular arena was with the Loved.  My friends and I had come to worship the Lord.  The Loved and I had come to worship the Lord only 2.5 years earlier. Two and a half years ago I was filled with unquenchable happiness because the Loved and I were blissfully content.  On July 23rd, I was not filled with happiness. As the songs played one after the other, I reminisced, in my own mind, how several of them had been given to me to comfort me (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) in my 2 ye