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Showing posts from December, 2014


So I have been mad lately.  Just plain old, spitting mad.  If you noticed, I took a lengthy break (45 days) some time back because I felt I had absolutely nothing worth writing.  I sunk down in to a pit and quite frankly, had not much desire to come out of it.

Now, here during this holiday season...."The most wonderful time of the year".....I have begun to sink again.  I am not exactly sure what the trigger is, but all these happy and content people are making me angry.  It's as if the world is moving on at record pace and I am sitting still with the expectation to get better and move on.  Well, I don't want to move on.  I want to rewind and have an official redo.  The deepest part of my being wants to wish and pray hard enough, that time would reverse and rewind to August 12th, and undo the horrible events of that day that have left me confused and extremely empty today.

There is a part of me that subconsciously reasons that if I protest enough with my closest frie…


As I was reading this passage out of Revelation 6:9-11 (AMP),

"When the Lamb broke open the fifth seal, I saw at the foot of the altar the souls of those whose lives had been sacrificed for [adhering to] the Word of God and for the testimony they had borne.  They cried in a loud voice, O [Sovereign] Lord, holy and true, how long now before You will sit in judgment and avenge our blood upon those who dwell on the earth?  Then they were each given a long and flowing and festive white robe and told to rest and wait patiently a little longer, until the number should be complete of their fellow servants and their brethren who were to be killed as they themselves had been."

I was encouraged and comforted.  I believe that this passage shows the awareness of earth's happenings, to those that have entered Heaven ahead of me.  These martyrs were crying out to the Lord for justice for those that persecuted them.  It seems to me that they were asking the Lord to return and make all …


What do you do when you don't want to join in on celebrating "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" because for you, you are walking through the most horrible loss in your life?

How are you supposed to stomach the Christmas cards that arrive in your mailbox everyday with smiling, kissing, happy, whole families pictured?  The ones with the husband embracing his wife?  The ones where his babies are perched happily on his lap?  The ones that constantly remind you of the chasm that has been gouged out of your soul-that hole that reminds you of how sick and sad and suffering this world truly is.

Where do you put those feelings that arise when you tell your daughter to go change into the clothes she wants to wear after school and she returns to you, wearing her "Watch Dog Dad" shirt.  That shirt that is such a prestigious mark for any kindergartner whose Daddy is serving in the school for the day.  That shirt that they both had and both wore, so they could be twinkies-…