Jump a little higher

 

So, here she stands, at the edge of her fear.  She contemplates if she has what it takes to jump.  She carefully moves to the end to see how far down she is going to fall.  After a careful evaluation, she decides it best not to jump.  Through the course of the evening I watched her repeat this process, only to return to the dock, unsuccessful each time.  Then, the unthinkable happens right in front of my eyes.

 

She is pushed.  She had been working up the courage to jump, and instead of faith and patience, she received a careless shove.  She came up out of the water in tears, with fear in her eyes.  My heart broke for my precious P.  She is my child, and is inclined to the same fear struggles that her mama has walked with for 32 years.

 

I don't remember if her Daddy had a lot of words to say to her, but I do remember what happened next.  You see, his style was always example with few words.  He spoke volumes through a life well lived, without ever having to announce it.  He walked to the end of the diving board and flipped. 

 

We reassured her that she could jump.  We told her it was safe.  We had given her tips to ease the fall.  We protected her with safety gear.  Others had gone before her.

But she had been forced off the edge, with no warning, leaving her more shaky than when she first stepped up to the end.

And here, her Daddy-the one that desperately loves her, was showing her that she could not only fall....she could do so much more.  She might even be able to turn her falling into fun.  She might be able to do much more than fall.  She could possibly even enjoy this obstacle.

 

I watched him as he had a heart-to-heart with our P, right there on her float.  He had gone to her.  He had lovingly sought her out in her fear and distrust.  He was trying to regain her trust, that he could and would take care of her.  Someone else had unwittingly increased her fears and ruined her faith, and P's Daddy was gently pulling her back in to her trust in him.

 

 

P watched, anxiety building, as her little brother jumps in shear abandonment.  He has complete trust in his safety gear, and in his parents word.  He has no fear.

 

 

Then her precious Daddy swims toward the diving board with his blue float to catch her fall.  He coaxes her with sweet encouragement that she can trust her Daddy.  If she will put the fear and past behind her, she can understand the thrill of the ride and the faith in her father.

 

She jumps.  Though it was small, she jumped!  As she collapsed to her knees on the float, still completely out of the water, she began to laugh.  She realized that through faith in her Daddy and his provision, she had what it takes.  That there was little to fear with him there to catch her fall.

 

So, next time she jumps, she might jump a bit higher.  And maybe one day she won't need the float to break her fall.  If she can push through the fear and doubt in herself, she might even be able to enjoy the leap some day.

 

 

As I looked through these pictures and realized the fatherly gentleness and kindness that Conner was demonstrating for our P, I could not help to think of the scared girl within me and her Heavenly Father.  For the past few years I have heard many stories of women who have suffered greatly and yet continue to praise The Lord (Job 13:15).  I have stood on the edge of that cliff and wondered if I had what it takes to make that leap of faith in God.  Could I continue to praise HIM through the worst storm of my life?  These women have made a deep and searing impression on my soul, yet I never thought I would have to walk down paths of sorrow and hurt as they have.

 

August 12th, that all changed.  I was shoved off the edge of that cliff, and when I emerged from the water of the unknown, I was more scared and more unsure and more shaken than I have ever been.  I began eagerly scanning the surface of the water for HIS Face.  I felt (I feel) I might drown if HE doesn't come to my rescue.  As I look to the top of that cliff, I see HIM flipping off the edge, with joy, and no fear.  HE has walked this road.  HE knows great sorrow and suffering (Isaiah 53:3).  HE understands my weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15).  HE has set an example for me to walk in (1Peter 2:21).

 

HE comes to me in the deep waters.  HE pulls me aside to have a heart-to-heart with me, assuring me that I can trust HIM.  I have been wronged by this sin-sick world, but HE is still in control.  HE is and always will be there to protect and provide for me.  HE is Sovereign!  HE is tenderly loving me, in order to decrease my fear and increase my trust in HIM.

 

I stand back and watch others who have been shoved off the edge.  They have walked this long, hard road of questions and suffering.  They are here to encourage me, by example, that one day I will be able to run and jump in shear abandonment.  One day the fears will be quenched with HIS Truth and total abandonment to HIS Will.  That one day I will be the one to jump with utter JOY on my face.

 

I step to the edge, which is still the same distance from the water, but this time I see HIS Face and HIS Provision that will stop my fall and cause me to burst into laughter.  I take a small leap, but it is a leap nonetheless.  I don't fall as far as I thought I would and JOY fills my aching soul.  Maybe by trusting in HIS Provision, I can actually do this thing....maybe (Philippians 4:12-13). 

 

Maybe I could trust HIM enough to jump a little higher next time?