Anonymous

Precious Anonymous ("I greatly enjoy your writing!! What great insight you have! I am a fellow believer but in a very different place! I understand the submission part and it not being "if/then"...but what if your husband is not the Godly role model and says extremely hurtful things?! How do I submit to a husband who is not being Christ-like in our marriage, home, and life?"),

First of all, I want you to know that you are not anonymous, nor unseen by the Lord.  HE is El Roi, the God who Sees (Genesis 16:13)!  HE sees you and all that you go through, each moment of your life!  HE sees me and every tear that I cry and every heart-ache that pangs me!  HE is present in every moment that your husband is unkind....look for HIM in your storm!  Keep your eyes FIXED on HIM in the very middle of the torrent that threatens to take you under (Hebrews 12:1-2, Matthew 14:22-33)!

I have prayed and asked the Lord to give me wisdom as I write this response to you.  I want you and everyone else to know that I am no theologian, nor do I have all the answers!  I attempt to approach my life standing on one thing only-the Truth of the Word of God.  There is absolute Truth and we can find it in the Word of God-the Bible!  So, I go to HIS Word to find an answer suitable to your question.

1 Peter 3:1-6 AMP reads:
 In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

² When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your ^[a]reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

³ Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] ^[b]interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;

⁴ But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

⁵ For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them].

⁶ It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

 

Here, in the very Word of God lies your answer sweet friend!  You are to be submissive to him, so that even if he does not obey the Word of God, he might be won over by your godly life.  You have a HUGE opportunity to be that LIGHT in your husband's life!!  You have that opportunity to win him over to walking with and obeying the Lord!  Focus on beautifying your inner soul, not what is seen, but what is unseen and experienced.  Allow the Lord to transform you with ever-increasing glory, as you reflect HIS Glory through your life (2 Corinthians 3:18)!

 

In the NIV version of this passage it says that he "may be won over without words by the behavior of" his wife.  Now here is the extremely difficult challenge and one that I am praying you through!  You are not to nag that man.  The Bible has many passages about nagging wives (Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 27:15-16, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 19:13, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 14:1) and many passages about our role as wives (Proverbs 31:10-31, Genesis 2:20-25, Genesis 1:26-28, Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-6, Titus 2:4-5, Colossians 3:18, 1 Corinthians 11:3).  I cannot say to you that I never nagged my Conner.  What I can tell you is of a time that I nagged him so much that he was ready to give in to my incessant demands.  He finally threw up his hands and told me I could have what I wanted....he didn't want to fight any longer.  The Lord struck me in that moment with such great clarity that I will never forget the lesson.  The Lord showed me that if I nagged Conner enough to give me what I wanted, that I had moved out from under the umbrella of his protection because I had forced my way in to the leadership role, moving against God's order of marriage.  I picked up the reins that day and had thrust my way in to leading our family.  I knew in that moment that if I did not come under the leadership of my husband, God would not honor any decision I had made for our family.  Conner was the rightful leader of our family, whether I agreed with his decision or not.

 

The only precaution we must take is if our husband goes against the Lord.  We are to follow the Word of God if we are asked to go against it by our husbands.  God will never approve of us going against HIS Word.  His Word is absolute Truth and we are to follow it if anyone asks us to stray from it.  So, I believe that this is the only time that we are allowed to go against our husband and what he is leading our family in to....only if he goes against the Word of God.

 

I went to watch one of my kiddos church musical productions and one of the songs was "Backward Life."  The whole gist of the song was that when Jesus came here and walked this earth, to sacrifice everything so that we could have the to opportunity to spend eternity with HIM, HE lived the most unusual, backward life!  It seems like most everything HE did went against the norm and against the grain of all that the religious leaders were teaching with their lives.  I believe that is one of the main reasons that we need to be DEEP in the Word of God so that we can find Truths there to live this life.  The world is riddled with sin and pain and death, but Christ came to redeem and heal and offer life.  His Ways are not our ways and His Thoughts are not our thoughts, no sweet friend, they are so much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9)!  So, we must look to this backward life for our guidance....especially in marriage!

 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  I am praying that you and I can find pure joy (be wholly joyful) in these trials that we face!  I am praying that this testing of our faith will develop dependence on HIM through our perseverance (definition:  steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success).  I ask, Father, that the perseverance You develop in us will finish its work, no matter how difficult, so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything that you want us to be!!   

 

 

I found this very helpful article from Family Life and wanted to share it with you (http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/wives/what-should-be-the-wifes-role-in-marriage#.VKeLFTx0xMs).  One of the important points in this article is this:  "Some of you may live with abuse or in excessively unhealthy and destructive conditions in your marriage. At times, it may be inappropriate or even life-threatening for you to apply unquestioningly the principles of submission. For example, if you are being physically or verbally abused, you may need to take steps to protect yourself and your children. You may need to say to your husband, "I love you, but enough is enough." If you are in that situation, please discerningly seek out your pastor or someone wise who has been trained to help with your specific issue.  Loving, forgiving, and submitting do not mean that you become a doormat or indefinitely tolerate significantly destructive behavior."

 

 

I hope that my words and this article help to encourage you.  The most important aspect of your life is a personal relationship with God.  HE does speak to HIS children in ways that will blow your mind!  I pray that you not only know HIM, but that you walk daily in relationship with HIM (praying continually, digging in to HIS Word, praising HIM for who HE is and what HE has done, seeking forgiveness for your sins, being still before HIM in the knowledge that HE is God and you are not, etc.)!  I pray "that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it]; [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]!  Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]—To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it)." Ephesians 3:18-21 AMP