There are these days...hellish type days, when you physically feel the weight of the attacks that are mounting against you and your family. Days when you can sense the spiritual war waging around you and for you and for your kids.
Read Ephesians 6:12
Days when a simple task turns into four wasted hours. When you know that you have a very limited amount of time without kids to accomplish an impossible list, yet roadblocks fill your path no matter how hard you have tried to ready the day. The tasks demand completion, so you press on feeling as if you have accomplished nothing before returning to the chaos of small blessings.
Days when you think deeply on the counselors' insight that you might be terrified to walk into the "dark room". You are deathly afraid of this place because you simply don't know what you will find in there, it cannot be managed. You are not sure if you will find HIM there, or if you will be faced with too much bitterness, pain, grief, depression, and hurt to follow HIM any longer. So you remain with your hand on the black handle, praying for the courage to turn the knob and face your fears. The courage to face the dark and lonely side of grief, praying that HE will ride in to save you from this depravity.
Read Psalm 13:1-2
Days when you turn off the Christian radio to listen to secular music for the first time in years and years, just to sit in the parking lot bawling to a love song. Knowing depth of love and losing it feels like your heart has been ripped out and you only exist in a functioning state. If you allow one tear to fall from your eyes, you immediately move into a state of anguish where you cannot hold back the tears if you tried. You bury your head, hoping that the other parents picking up their children will not see your ungovernable state. Forcing yourself out of the car because school is out and you must pick them up. Shamefully throwing on your aviators to cover the tear-soaked, mascara running, red cheeked face. Walking down dark (nap-time) halls, that of course any other day are fully lit, with your shades on....as if that isn't obvious enough (grieving widow + dark halls + sunglasses worn in doors = judgments on your condition).
Days when you send the kids to the playground to play because your emotional tank is empty and you cannot handle one more cry or fight or tantrum. When you are purely in the depths of sorrow and you cannot hold back the weeping. When you lay flat out on the sidewalk and whimper, not hindered by embarrassment.
Days when you put the kids to bed and all four of them are in tears, missing their Daddy....all at once.....all with one parent to console them. When you are so incredibly emotionally exhausted yourself, but your empathy for them pushes you to visit each bed, talk tenderly to each hurting soul, uniquely comfort each little heart, and pray the Lord's miracle over each precious child.
Then, you sit down to write because you know that HE speaks through your outward-processing self. You write because you have come to realize that almost no one is immune to suffering and pain. Almost no one escapes without tremendous amounts of hurt and heartache. You write because maybe, just maybe something that you say will resonate with a hurting heart out there. Maybe, just maybe that hurting heart will find the hope and perseverance to make it just one more day. Maybe, just maybe someone out their will find HIM.
You see, though I grieve deeply and to the most terrible degree to which I can imagine anyone else ever could, I do not grieve without hope. If you read the verse that I have on the sidebar of this webpage (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17), it explains the reason why I grieve the way that I grieve....because this is not the end. There is life beyond the grave. Though I suffer here greatly, I have this hope that is ever before me...the hope of the place that will have no pain and no sadness and no tears and no death.
Read Revelation 21:1-5
A place that is not only what God originally planned for it to all be in the Garden of Eden, but even greater. Greater because those that will spend eternity there will be fully aware of the damage and death and brokenness and suffering that sin unleashed on this earth and all that occupy it. Those that have chosen to follow Jesus while on this sin-sick earth will enjoy eternity in a place called Heaven. Not only will Heaven be free of sin, but all inhabitants will be fully aware that they have been bought-back (redeemed) from sin with the ultimate price of Jesus Christ's absolving blood. So the love is greater than perfection. It is greater because their is a consciousness of the depths of perversion that all the residents have been snatched from. That's the beauty that God works through sickness, death, calamity, hurt, etc. Beauty of the someday greater Kingdom good....if I will just lift my eyes to look for it!
Read Hebrews 11:13-16
And so, I see a glimpse of it. I see a glimpse of how HE can take a bad thing (sin = death), and bring something good out of it (salvation = life). I can see how my depth of love for HIM would be greater through undergoing the pain of this broken world and one day standing in awe that HE would love me so much as to die a cruel and inhumane death so I wouldn't have to be separated from HIM for eternity.
Read John 3:16-21
I can see a glimpse of this Truth in Ruth's story. I can see how HE takes what is worthy of depression and despair and heartache and instead, turns it into a story with Kingdom Purpose. I can see how HE takes two grieving widows (one who has also lost two sons, the other who has lost her father-in-law and brother-in-law), along with tremendous obstacles of culture and finances, and not only provides, but gives in abundance (Ruth is named in the lineage of Jesus Christ). I can place my faith in this God.
Read The Book of Ruth (it's only 4 chapters)
I can see how HE has taken the depravity of my personal sin and used it to strengthen and deepen my marriage. I watched in my uttermost weakness, HIM craft a beautiful story of marital love and trust and purpose come from my obedience through confession. I watched
HIM tell a story of grace and forgiveness through the messed up junk that I had chosen to say yes to. I have seen HIM work this miracle of beauty!
Read Romans 8:28-39
I have read about it. I have seen it. I will see it again!
"Some of your fondest dreams will shatter, and you will be tempted to lose hope. I will seem to you callous or, worse, weak-unresponsive to your pain. You will wonder if I cannot do anything or simply will not.
"As you struggle with dashed hopes, you will fail, just as My servant Peter did. You will feel discouraged with yourself to the point of self-hatred. And I will seem to withdraw from you and do nothing.
"When all of this comes to pass, My word to you is this: Do not lose hope. A plan is unfolding that you cannot clearly see. If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt, but you would not lose hope. You would gladly remain faithful to me in the middle of the worst suffering. I guarantee you the power to please me, not to have a good time. But pleasing me will bring you great joy.
"In the deepest part of your soul, you long more than anything else to be a part of My plan, to further My kingdom, to know Me and please Me and enjoy Me. I will satisfy that longing. You have the power to represent Me well no matter what happens in your life. That is the hope I give you in this world. Don't lose it."
From Larry Crabb's book: Shattered Dreams
Read Ephesians 6:12
Days when a simple task turns into four wasted hours. When you know that you have a very limited amount of time without kids to accomplish an impossible list, yet roadblocks fill your path no matter how hard you have tried to ready the day. The tasks demand completion, so you press on feeling as if you have accomplished nothing before returning to the chaos of small blessings.
Days when you think deeply on the counselors' insight that you might be terrified to walk into the "dark room". You are deathly afraid of this place because you simply don't know what you will find in there, it cannot be managed. You are not sure if you will find HIM there, or if you will be faced with too much bitterness, pain, grief, depression, and hurt to follow HIM any longer. So you remain with your hand on the black handle, praying for the courage to turn the knob and face your fears. The courage to face the dark and lonely side of grief, praying that HE will ride in to save you from this depravity.
Read Psalm 13:1-2
Days when you turn off the Christian radio to listen to secular music for the first time in years and years, just to sit in the parking lot bawling to a love song. Knowing depth of love and losing it feels like your heart has been ripped out and you only exist in a functioning state. If you allow one tear to fall from your eyes, you immediately move into a state of anguish where you cannot hold back the tears if you tried. You bury your head, hoping that the other parents picking up their children will not see your ungovernable state. Forcing yourself out of the car because school is out and you must pick them up. Shamefully throwing on your aviators to cover the tear-soaked, mascara running, red cheeked face. Walking down dark (nap-time) halls, that of course any other day are fully lit, with your shades on....as if that isn't obvious enough (grieving widow + dark halls + sunglasses worn in doors = judgments on your condition).
Days when you send the kids to the playground to play because your emotional tank is empty and you cannot handle one more cry or fight or tantrum. When you are purely in the depths of sorrow and you cannot hold back the weeping. When you lay flat out on the sidewalk and whimper, not hindered by embarrassment.
Days when you put the kids to bed and all four of them are in tears, missing their Daddy....all at once.....all with one parent to console them. When you are so incredibly emotionally exhausted yourself, but your empathy for them pushes you to visit each bed, talk tenderly to each hurting soul, uniquely comfort each little heart, and pray the Lord's miracle over each precious child.
Then, you sit down to write because you know that HE speaks through your outward-processing self. You write because you have come to realize that almost no one is immune to suffering and pain. Almost no one escapes without tremendous amounts of hurt and heartache. You write because maybe, just maybe something that you say will resonate with a hurting heart out there. Maybe, just maybe that hurting heart will find the hope and perseverance to make it just one more day. Maybe, just maybe someone out their will find HIM.
You see, though I grieve deeply and to the most terrible degree to which I can imagine anyone else ever could, I do not grieve without hope. If you read the verse that I have on the sidebar of this webpage (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17), it explains the reason why I grieve the way that I grieve....because this is not the end. There is life beyond the grave. Though I suffer here greatly, I have this hope that is ever before me...the hope of the place that will have no pain and no sadness and no tears and no death.
Read Revelation 21:1-5
A place that is not only what God originally planned for it to all be in the Garden of Eden, but even greater. Greater because those that will spend eternity there will be fully aware of the damage and death and brokenness and suffering that sin unleashed on this earth and all that occupy it. Those that have chosen to follow Jesus while on this sin-sick earth will enjoy eternity in a place called Heaven. Not only will Heaven be free of sin, but all inhabitants will be fully aware that they have been bought-back (redeemed) from sin with the ultimate price of Jesus Christ's absolving blood. So the love is greater than perfection. It is greater because their is a consciousness of the depths of perversion that all the residents have been snatched from. That's the beauty that God works through sickness, death, calamity, hurt, etc. Beauty of the someday greater Kingdom good....if I will just lift my eyes to look for it!
Read Hebrews 11:13-16
And so, I see a glimpse of it. I see a glimpse of how HE can take a bad thing (sin = death), and bring something good out of it (salvation = life). I can see how my depth of love for HIM would be greater through undergoing the pain of this broken world and one day standing in awe that HE would love me so much as to die a cruel and inhumane death so I wouldn't have to be separated from HIM for eternity.
Read John 3:16-21
I can see a glimpse of this Truth in Ruth's story. I can see how HE takes what is worthy of depression and despair and heartache and instead, turns it into a story with Kingdom Purpose. I can see how HE takes two grieving widows (one who has also lost two sons, the other who has lost her father-in-law and brother-in-law), along with tremendous obstacles of culture and finances, and not only provides, but gives in abundance (Ruth is named in the lineage of Jesus Christ). I can place my faith in this God.
Read The Book of Ruth (it's only 4 chapters)
I can see how HE has taken the depravity of my personal sin and used it to strengthen and deepen my marriage. I watched in my uttermost weakness, HIM craft a beautiful story of marital love and trust and purpose come from my obedience through confession. I watched
HIM tell a story of grace and forgiveness through the messed up junk that I had chosen to say yes to. I have seen HIM work this miracle of beauty!
Read Romans 8:28-39
I have read about it. I have seen it. I will see it again!
"Some of your fondest dreams will shatter, and you will be tempted to lose hope. I will seem to you callous or, worse, weak-unresponsive to your pain. You will wonder if I cannot do anything or simply will not.
"As you struggle with dashed hopes, you will fail, just as My servant Peter did. You will feel discouraged with yourself to the point of self-hatred. And I will seem to withdraw from you and do nothing.
"When all of this comes to pass, My word to you is this: Do not lose hope. A plan is unfolding that you cannot clearly see. If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt, but you would not lose hope. You would gladly remain faithful to me in the middle of the worst suffering. I guarantee you the power to please me, not to have a good time. But pleasing me will bring you great joy.
"In the deepest part of your soul, you long more than anything else to be a part of My plan, to further My kingdom, to know Me and please Me and enjoy Me. I will satisfy that longing. You have the power to represent Me well no matter what happens in your life. That is the hope I give you in this world. Don't lose it."
From Larry Crabb's book: Shattered Dreams
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