I tried vocalizing the darkness within, yet I felt no relief. I tried worship and prayer, yet the anguish was binding. I tried emotional release through a blubbery waterfall, yet the sorrow was irrevocable.
During worship today at church, we were signing Hillsong's "Forever Reign." I closed my eyes, opened my hands, and I can admit that my heart was desperate for an encounter with HIM. I was desperate for my Savior to save me. I sang the familiar words, yet my struggle the day before tempted me not to fully believe what I was proclaiming corporately.
I openly admitted that:
"Oh, I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace"
I was begging the Lord to find my heart that was so deeply buried in a pile of grief-stricken rubble. I began praying: "Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way." (Psalm 139:23-24 AMP)
And then, the figurative clouds parted in my mind as I sang:
"You are God
You are God
Of all else I'm letting"
Akin to the climax of good-versus-evil movie, the Light of HIS Truth shown on the darkness of evil feelings that had enslaved my heart. HE met me right where I was. HE spoke Truth over the lies that produced the feelings of despair that I was grappling with. I had asked for HIS Presence in my darkness. And HE reminded me that HE will NEVER fail me nor abandon me (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; Hebrews 13:5; Joshua 1:9; Isaiah 41:10-13; Matthew 28:20; 1 Chronicles 28:20; Psalm 73:23-26).
In a quiet moment of worship, HE released me from my bonds.
What did I have to worry about?
HE is GOD!
What use were my troubling thoughts?
HE is GOD!
Of all else I'm letting go!
I submitted in that moment my anxiety and sorrow. I understood that I had not the strength to carry these heavy weights, but HE did. I relinquished my cares to HIM and felt the wave of HIS Clemency alleviate my burden.
I waited with great expectation on the Lord. I cried out for HIS Mercy. I knew that the only hope I had in my dark valley was the Protection and Guidance of my God (Psalm 23).
I walked away from worship unbound, as HIS Truth was revealed to me (Galatians 5:1). My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude that HE had met me in the deep need of my heart where no one else could help me (Psalm 69 AMP). I departed out of the weighty darkness of my feelings, into the radiant Light of HIS Truth (Colossians 1:13). I contemplated HIS amazing Righteousness (2 Corinthians 3:18). I am profoundly grateful for HIS remarkable deliverance.
"But as for me, I will look expectantly for the Lord and with confidence in Him I will keep watch; I will wait [with confident expectation] for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me [amid my tragedies], O my enemy! Though I fall, I will rise; Though I sit in the darkness [of distress], the Lord is a light for me. I will bear the indignation and wrath of the Lord. Because I have sinned against Him, Until He pleads my case and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light, And I will behold His [amazing] righteousness and His remarkable deliverance." Micah 7:7-9 AMP
AMEN (So be it)!